Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
