It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
