Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
