so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
