I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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