Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
