Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
