also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
