remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
