dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize