I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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