now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
