this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
