This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize