i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
