she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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