i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
