i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
