i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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