Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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