I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
