Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
