Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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