I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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