Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
