he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
