Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
NoShamevember. You game?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
