the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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