What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
