Is it because I queefed?
I understand Curling. That high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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