I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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