I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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