Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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