I am in a vortex of obligation.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
