please come you make the beer taste better
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
