Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
