We're like a lot better than the average bears
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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