My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
