when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This house was built for laser tag.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
