oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
