OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
