No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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