My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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