went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
