How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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