I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
