And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
