and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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