i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
