I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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