He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
