I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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