We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
