I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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