I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize