I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
