he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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