Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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