saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
