Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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