KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
