He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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