Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
