Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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